Day 9- Someone You Wish You Could Meet

How can I pick just one person really..I could go with someone famous, or I could go with someone important in history...or I could dig into my family tree...But there are two people that if I could meet them just once mabey I could have some peace.

Dear Blace and Suzanne,

I wish I could have met you. You died in my tummy when you were just little peanuts in my uterus. I guess I'll never really know if you two were actually girls. I guess I just had that feeling you were. It wasn't our time. Mommy couldn't take care of you then, I couldn't take care of myself very well. I wouldn't have been the best Mommy. But I would have (and still do) loved you. I carried a lot of pain when you girls died. I still do. But its getting better. I wish I could have held you, I wish I could have heard your first cries and held your tiny hands. Would you have looked like me..or your fathers. Blace your Daddy died a few years ago. He had blue eyes..I'm sure you would have too. Come to think of it, I guess you two are up there together. He loved you too. Tell Casey to take good care of you. Suzanne your father was a jerk and an a**, and he wouldn't have been in your life. Don't worry we wouldn't have needed him. I guess when Aleina was born she filled some of the hole you two left in my heart. She is so amazing, I wonder if you girls would have had the same personality. I still miss you..Aleina makes it easier. But I'll always think of you...just know that I loved you the minute I found out about you. I mourned you when you died and I will always wonder what could have been. I'll see you again one day and ill hold you till my arms give out, and even then we can just lay together and cuddle. I'll make up for all the years we missed. Watch over us...I love you girls!

Mommy

My favorite internet friend huh? Well I don't like to pick favorites cause it hurts peoples feelings. So this is to all my internet friends..DaDear Buddies!y Thank you for staying up late with me, thank you for encouraging my neerdy facinations and suporting my geekyness. I appreciate the ability to completly be myself8-Alexsey with lots of love! Your Favorite Internet Friend

Day 7- An Ex Boyfriend

Dear Travis,

Yea I'm writing you. I really don't understand what our relationship was or what it could have been. Its was all bad timing and circumstance. Don't get me wrong I'm grateful it ended, most likely it would have just been a long road of uncomfortablility and ended worse. I remember when we met. I called you Captain at work and told the groom shop you were my work eye candy. Ha! I was desperate for attention, I thought I needed your attention. When Brent and I ended I didn't set my sights on you it just kinda hapened. We were like two wounded souls who needed each others company. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me. I knew you were a heavy drinker and here I am trying to stay clean and away from it all. But you swooned me like a puppy. Those big ol eyes and sweet smile. Such a charmer. You were an escape I thought I could dabble in. But I knew after a time that I couldn't dabble in you for long. Mabey God just thought you needed me at that time. When Noah was born you were so close to breaking down completly. With the pressure Jackie was putting on you I just wanted to comfort you and then slap you in the face. But I knew it wasn't my place to involve myself in that situation so I tried to let you have your space. But in truth...the whole time I was with you I had a huge bout with my insecurities, I don't know if you know this but you are a major back hand complimenter. When I dyed my hair you said you liked it but I would be better a different color. That the cut was nice but I should go shorter next time...I mean really couldn't you have just said. It looks amazing your beautiful....I thought I had to get tanner, that I had to loose more weight...it was such pressure to keep myself looking good enough just to get a compliment from you. Sometimes I liked it when you drank because you would say nice things about me to other people. It was nice, but never ment to last. I fed into depression to much when I was with you and sabotaged our relationship. You weren't all at fault. But when I said I couldn't do it if you drank still...you chose Beer over me..you didn't come out and say it but you never stopped..so what does that tell you. I guess what I'm trying to say is I don't regret that we tried but I don't regret we ended either. I hope you find someone that is ment for you, I hope you find the joy of being a father that many men have. And I hope you learn to let go of the control and find a way to appreciate the woman your with and make her feel beautiful. Thank you for having faith in me and trusting my opinion with Harley. It made me smile inside everytime you came to me when he was hurt or sick. That showed me you respected my advice on a subject I'm working hard on making a career. Good Luck in Life Captain. Though I don't think its healthy we talk aymore, I do hope and pray for your happiness and safety.

Love Alexsey

P.S. Thanks for finally stopping the drunk dialing..Byron was getting annoyed

Day 6- A Stranger

Dear Matt the Camel Guy,

You don't know me, so of cource you don't know my enthusiasm about animals much less my deep dire need to feed your camels. I'm sure you get idiots all the time asking to pet the camels or wanting free stuff. Its prolly really annoying and when you saw me approach, corndog in hand. I'm sure you wanted to roll your eyes and duck under a bush. But seriously...really...I'm not one of those quaks I promise! I really just love animals and feeding the camels has become some kind of 'thing' for me. I have to....Yes you took Nick the camel from me...and I've forgiven you for it. Because you brought Goober...and I'm sure you hear it all the time. But Goober loves me. He really does. He saw me and we connected. He's my soul camel. Do you know what that's like to have a soul camel. You can make fun of me at your little tent but get used to seeing me. By the end of this rodeo we won't be strangers! I bought some carrots tonight and you'll be seeing me at least twice a day..I guarantee it! You can't keep me away from my camels! Feed into my obsession!

Alexsey the crazy funnel cake girl who wants to feed your camels

Day 5- Your Dreams

Dear Dreams,

I'm coming for you..that's right get ready. You are in my crosshairs and I'm gunning for you.

I used to dream and sit on my big butt thinking why isn't somebody knocking at my door providing these things for me? I made wrong selfish decisions and took myself down a completly opposite road. Then I got stagnant, I didn't think my dreams were possible to me. Well they ARE possible, you won't happen unless I take the steps to geth there. I believe in my heart and soul that you will be in my grasp one day and I can say I accomplished you. But the thing about dreams is they are basicly a faith walk. I had to develop some faith before I took off after you. My dreams will be realized one day..

Alexsey

Day 4- Your Sibling

Dear Macey Jean,

There is so much I want to say to you. But if I typed it out you might call me in a fury and demand it be taken down immediatly and I'm embarrasing you. So out of respect for you I will only say this. Learn from my mistakes, I'm proud of you, and I love you

Love Your Letty

Day 3- Your Parents

Dear Mom and Dad,

I love you guys. You raised me to the best of your abilities. You stayed strong together when I put you through hell and you loved me while holding your ground. Though I was angry at the time, I appreciate it so much now. You didn't enable me to do more damage at your home. I'm so so so sorry for what I put you through. I'm sorry for the pain and I'm sorry for the heartbreak. If I could take it back I would to spare you. But its what I had to go through and without your love and what you had instilled into my soul as a child. I may not have made it back to sanity. Even now as an adult I look to ya'll for guidance. Your my safe place. I hope I can be half the parent you are. You've accepted Byron and our family with open arms and have become some of the most loving, open minded, and accepting people I know. Your amazing grandparents and I'm so grateful that Aleina has you around to learn from. I hope I can make you proud, and even prouder as I continue to better my life. Your always there for me. If I need to vent or advice. I can come to you without hiding anything and have no fear of ridicule. I can't tell you how much I love ya'll. Or how thankful I am. You continuously prove to me how important I am to you. You've shown me what a marriage is. Thank you for your support and your love. I'll spend the rest of my life trying to repay you and making you proud.

Your incredibly Grateful, Thankful, and Loving Daughter
Alexsey