Dear Travis,
Yea I'm writing you. I really don't understand what our relationship was or what it could have been. Its was all bad timing and circumstance. Don't get me wrong I'm grateful it ended, most likely it would have just been a long road of uncomfortablility and ended worse. I remember when we met. I called you Captain at work and told the groom shop you were my work eye candy. Ha! I was desperate for attention, I thought I needed your attention. When Brent and I ended I didn't set my sights on you it just kinda hapened. We were like two wounded souls who needed each others company. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me. I knew you were a heavy drinker and here I am trying to stay clean and away from it all. But you swooned me like a puppy. Those big ol eyes and sweet smile. Such a charmer. You were an escape I thought I could dabble in. But I knew after a time that I couldn't dabble in you for long. Mabey God just thought you needed me at that time. When Noah was born you were so close to breaking down completly. With the pressure Jackie was putting on you I just wanted to comfort you and then slap you in the face. But I knew it wasn't my place to involve myself in that situation so I tried to let you have your space. But in truth...the whole time I was with you I had a huge bout with my insecurities, I don't know if you know this but you are a major back hand complimenter. When I dyed my hair you said you liked it but I would be better a different color. That the cut was nice but I should go shorter next time...I mean really couldn't you have just said. It looks amazing your beautiful....I thought I had to get tanner, that I had to loose more weight...it was such pressure to keep myself looking good enough just to get a compliment from you. Sometimes I liked it when you drank because you would say nice things about me to other people. It was nice, but never ment to last. I fed into depression to much when I was with you and sabotaged our relationship. You weren't all at fault. But when I said I couldn't do it if you drank still...you chose Beer over me..you didn't come out and say it but you never stopped..so what does that tell you. I guess what I'm trying to say is I don't regret that we tried but I don't regret we ended either. I hope you find someone that is ment for you, I hope you find the joy of being a father that many men have. And I hope you learn to let go of the control and find a way to appreciate the woman your with and make her feel beautiful. Thank you for having faith in me and trusting my opinion with Harley. It made me smile inside everytime you came to me when he was hurt or sick. That showed me you respected my advice on a subject I'm working hard on making a career. Good Luck in Life Captain. Though I don't think its healthy we talk aymore, I do hope and pray for your happiness and safety.
Love Alexsey
P.S. Thanks for finally stopping the drunk dialing..Byron was getting annoyed
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