Well I can't write this letter...I just don't think I could if I tried, mabey 4 years ago I could. 4 years ago I wanted to be anyone but me...but today......today I like me...even somedays I love me. I used to hate everything about myself and I found everyflaw when I looked in the mirror. You know today I looked in the mirror and I found 3 attributes I liked about my face automaticly. Without even bothering to look for any flaws. I don't like who I used to be. I don't like what I did. But in the last 4 years I have done a lot of work on becoming someone that I am proud to be. Because if I'm not proud of myself how can I accept or even believe someone elses pride in me. Yes I have flaws that I work on. I am in no way perfect. But I no longer fawn away wishing I was somebody else. I am kind of a big deal...if you havnt heard me tell you yet. I have grown and acomplished an amount of mental sanity I didn't dream possible before. I eat healthier, I practice compassion, I strive for financial responsibility...hell I'm even law abiding now and honest. My heart has become warm again. So for me to try and write a letter to the person I wish I could be....well i'd just be writing a letter that sounded like this.....
Dear Me,
Your kind of a big deal!
That is all
Love Me
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Day 17- someone from your childhood
Dear Taylor Neese,
You were a very mean boy! Your called me one dollar haircut girl and laughed at me while I walked home. I thought you were cute so it hurt my feelings more. I wonder if you even knew my name? We didn't have any classes together...not a big deal now I guess. Well just so you know my haircuts don't cost a dollar, never did. I have great hair! Guess my self image took a major downfall at that point. But I've crawled out of that hole. You can't effect me the way you did back then.I was always a tomboy, I hope your nicer now...
One dollar haircut girl
You were a very mean boy! Your called me one dollar haircut girl and laughed at me while I walked home. I thought you were cute so it hurt my feelings more. I wonder if you even knew my name? We didn't have any classes together...not a big deal now I guess. Well just so you know my haircuts don't cost a dollar, never did. I have great hair! Guess my self image took a major downfall at that point. But I've crawled out of that hole. You can't effect me the way you did back then.I was always a tomboy, I hope your nicer now...
One dollar haircut girl
Friday, March 11, 2011
Day 15- someone who lives in a different state
Dear Qian,
Hey girl hey! I love you and miss you so much! I wish you would move back but I'm not mad you did. Love takes us many places and Brian is an amazing gy. Though I wish I could have made your wedding. Your so full of energy and positive light. I miss hanging out with you and just having girl talk. I miss working with you and going to the Twilight showings wiyh our t-shirts. Though I'm glad we have facebook to keep up with each others lives. I love your laugh and your confidence. Your so strong, more that you let on. Such a strong woman. Just let me know if Brian ever messes up...ill beat the snot out of him...hehe...love you sugar, your toxic and addicting. Can't wait to see you again!
Love Alexsey or I should say Katia..ha!
Hey girl hey! I love you and miss you so much! I wish you would move back but I'm not mad you did. Love takes us many places and Brian is an amazing gy. Though I wish I could have made your wedding. Your so full of energy and positive light. I miss hanging out with you and just having girl talk. I miss working with you and going to the Twilight showings wiyh our t-shirts. Though I'm glad we have facebook to keep up with each others lives. I love your laugh and your confidence. Your so strong, more that you let on. Such a strong woman. Just let me know if Brian ever messes up...ill beat the snot out of him...hehe...love you sugar, your toxic and addicting. Can't wait to see you again!
Love Alexsey or I should say Katia..ha!
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Day 15- someone you miss the most
Well since my phone got smashed and that's how I do this blog I missed 2 days,,so I'm just going to pick up where I woukd be.
I could go with people.but in reality I miss an animal. Two animals actually. I miss my Ozzy more than I can explain but ill never get to see him again till I pass on. But Katie..my dear Katiegur..this is for her.
Dear Katiegurl,
Your not a human, your a horse. So you'll never read this or even understand how much I miss you. I know your happy and being taken care of. I wonder if you ever miss me, or if you even remember me. Seems stupid that I would write this letter to a horse, but you gave me so much peace, Katie. I can't explain how much I miss that peace. I remember when you were out in the pasture sprawled out like a foal. You were just laying there. I thought something was wrong, that you might be colicing again. So I went out to you. You lifted your head and just looked at me. When I sat down next to you, you put your head in my lap and went to sleep. You took a nap in my lap. It was something that just affirmed our bond. Trust like that is hard to come by. For those that don't understand the mental mechanics of the equine. Horses are flight animals. That's why they sleep standing up at night most of the time. If the sense danger or the posibility of anything the run. The fact that you stayed laying down and put your head in my lap to rest ment so much to me. You had no fear, no worries around me and it warmed my heart. I felt like you were the only thing I could find comfort in. But you weren't enough to keep me sane. I love you Katie, when I sold you I slept with your halter for months. I thought about going to see you, but I could never follow through with it. I guess just knowing that I wouldn't be able to take you back with me would crush me. They said your the best horse they've ever had. Didn't have to tell me that...I knew that already. Last I talked to them a few years ago, he said he wanted to breed you. I wonder how many foals you've produced. Mabey one day I could find one and have a little piece of you back. I have a place to keep him. Just not the finances...I'm tearing up right now..its crazy that a horse could have this kind of emotional affect on me. I went through a hard road Katie, I'm glad I didn't have to put you through it, you never had to go malnurished or abused. I knew I had to let you go so you wouldn't be hurt. It was hard....but it was the right thing. I hope I can find the strength to see you again Katie. Cause I've never stopped missing you. I miss your peace, I miss your smell. I miss climing on your back and just laying there feeling you breath while you grazed and Grandaddy yelling at me to get off cause you might take off and i'd fall. I knew you wouldn't though. Your an amazing animal Katiegurl....I miss you
Love with all my heart
Alexsey
I could go with people.but in reality I miss an animal. Two animals actually. I miss my Ozzy more than I can explain but ill never get to see him again till I pass on. But Katie..my dear Katiegur..this is for her.
Dear Katiegurl,
Your not a human, your a horse. So you'll never read this or even understand how much I miss you. I know your happy and being taken care of. I wonder if you ever miss me, or if you even remember me. Seems stupid that I would write this letter to a horse, but you gave me so much peace, Katie. I can't explain how much I miss that peace. I remember when you were out in the pasture sprawled out like a foal. You were just laying there. I thought something was wrong, that you might be colicing again. So I went out to you. You lifted your head and just looked at me. When I sat down next to you, you put your head in my lap and went to sleep. You took a nap in my lap. It was something that just affirmed our bond. Trust like that is hard to come by. For those that don't understand the mental mechanics of the equine. Horses are flight animals. That's why they sleep standing up at night most of the time. If the sense danger or the posibility of anything the run. The fact that you stayed laying down and put your head in my lap to rest ment so much to me. You had no fear, no worries around me and it warmed my heart. I felt like you were the only thing I could find comfort in. But you weren't enough to keep me sane. I love you Katie, when I sold you I slept with your halter for months. I thought about going to see you, but I could never follow through with it. I guess just knowing that I wouldn't be able to take you back with me would crush me. They said your the best horse they've ever had. Didn't have to tell me that...I knew that already. Last I talked to them a few years ago, he said he wanted to breed you. I wonder how many foals you've produced. Mabey one day I could find one and have a little piece of you back. I have a place to keep him. Just not the finances...I'm tearing up right now..its crazy that a horse could have this kind of emotional affect on me. I went through a hard road Katie, I'm glad I didn't have to put you through it, you never had to go malnurished or abused. I knew I had to let you go so you wouldn't be hurt. It was hard....but it was the right thing. I hope I can find the strength to see you again Katie. Cause I've never stopped missing you. I miss your peace, I miss your smell. I miss climing on your back and just laying there feeling you breath while you grazed and Grandaddy yelling at me to get off cause you might take off and i'd fall. I knew you wouldn't though. Your an amazing animal Katiegurl....I miss you
Love with all my heart
Alexsey
Monday, March 7, 2011
Day 12- Person you hate most/has caused you alot of pain
Dear Nick,
You disgust me. Though I can't really say I hate you. I try not to hate anyone. But you used me. I was innocent and thought you really liked me. Yet you spun a web of lies and tangled me in you dispicable web. But I saw your true colors when you couldn't get what you wanted from me. You taught me what a boy will do to try and trick and use a girl. I'm glad I didn't fall too deep into your pit. I don't know when I'll ever forgive you, I fought a long battle over being accepted by a man because of you, but I'm a proud confident woman now and you will grovel at my feet one day and I'll step right over you. I pity any woman who falls into your trap. She deserves better. But I can hold my head up high knowing I will never be another notch on your headboard. Suck it!
I'd write a formality here but you don't deserve it
You disgust me. Though I can't really say I hate you. I try not to hate anyone. But you used me. I was innocent and thought you really liked me. Yet you spun a web of lies and tangled me in you dispicable web. But I saw your true colors when you couldn't get what you wanted from me. You taught me what a boy will do to try and trick and use a girl. I'm glad I didn't fall too deep into your pit. I don't know when I'll ever forgive you, I fought a long battle over being accepted by a man because of you, but I'm a proud confident woman now and you will grovel at my feet one day and I'll step right over you. I pity any woman who falls into your trap. She deserves better. But I can hold my head up high knowing I will never be another notch on your headboard. Suck it!
I'd write a formality here but you don't deserve it
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Day 11- a deceased person you wish you could talk to
Dear Papa Jay,
I miss you. I wish I could have seen you again before you passed. I was 5 minutes too late. But you know that already huh? I'm sorry, I really wanted you to see me clean. I wanted you to be proud of me, I hope you are now. I just miss you, we all do
Love Alexsey
I miss you. I wish I could have seen you again before you passed. I was 5 minutes too late. But you know that already huh? I'm sorry, I really wanted you to see me clean. I wanted you to be proud of me, I hope you are now. I just miss you, we all do
Love Alexsey
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Day 10- someone you dont talk to as much as you'd like to
Dear Kat D.,
Your such an amazing person! I wish we hung out more. Ufortunatly I moved away and then you moved away. So now we are just both far away. It sucks cause I'm horrible with phone calls. I know you off doing great things in your life. I'm so prouf of you. Your filled with light and beauty and I'm proud to call you my friend. I love you girl. We need to have dinner sometime to catch up when your back in town
Love Alexsey
Your such an amazing person! I wish we hung out more. Ufortunatly I moved away and then you moved away. So now we are just both far away. It sucks cause I'm horrible with phone calls. I know you off doing great things in your life. I'm so prouf of you. Your filled with light and beauty and I'm proud to call you my friend. I love you girl. We need to have dinner sometime to catch up when your back in town
Love Alexsey
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